Who Will You Connect with Today?
Last week, I wrote that each of us has the power to design our own landscape and that if we don’t design our lives, someone else will. This week, I want to take that one step further, because designing your landscape isn’t something you do alone. The thing that helps us most when we’re stuck is asking for help.
Now let me ask you the question I keep coming back to: When was the last time you reached out to someone not because you needed something urgent but because you wanted to build the relationship before you needed it?
You Can Build a Relationship 15 Minutes at a Time
Did you know you can build a relationship 15 minutes at a time?
When I was navigating a big season of change in my own career, the questions running through my head were the same ones you’ve probably asked: Is there a place for me here? How do I not just survive this but thrive? The answer for me came through resilience, and that resilience came from the relationships I built.
One tool made all the difference. I call it the 15-Minute Calendar Strategy®. When I saw someone doing something interesting or someone I wanted to learn from, I asked for 15 minutes on their calendar. Just 15 minutes. Who could say no to 15 minutes? As I met with each of them, I gained mentors and sponsors. I shared the work I was doing and where I wanted to go, and I asked for feedback on how to get there. The next thing I knew, opportunities were arriving in my lap, sometimes three months later, sometimes a year later.
Through building relationships, we gather beautiful colors of possibility with which to paint, and we place ourselves in a position to be cared for personally and challenged directly. The strategy works at every level of an organization. I once sat down with a C-suite executive, feeling pretty great about all the work I was doing. Within five minutes, that mentor saw exactly what I needed to do to reach my next level. Fifteen minutes can change a year.
Why Designing Relationships Is Set Work
In the Ready, Set, Go® framework, this is Set work, the design stage. Last month we talked about designing the landscape of your life. This month we’re designing the relationships inside it, and we’re staying with the why before we get to the how next month.
Part of designing my landscape is the name behind my company. Keane Insights® is built on twelve pillars, and two of them speak directly to this moment: empathy and teamwork. Empathy is how we build relationships that hold. Teamwork is the truth that there is magic in working together with other experts toward a single goal. The whole is really greater than the sum of its parts. We are stronger together.
My friend Karélix Alicea put it beautifully when she reviewed this strategy. She saw the value right away: In just 15 minutes, you don’t feel like you’re asking for too much. Her belief that “forming relationships and dealing with change is a given” is the heart of it. Brief, focused interactions help us build a strong support system, and that system is what makes us resilient when change arrives.
The Reciprocity That Makes It Work
Here’s the part I never want anyone to skip: The 15-Minute Calendar Strategy® works only if we give our time in return.
For every 15 minutes someone gave me, I made it my goal to give 15 to someone else. Think of it like a checking account: When you take something out, it’s time to put a deposit back in. Always try to keep a balance. Adam Grant’s research on generous professionals points to the same truth I’ve lived. The people who give thoughtfully and consistently often build the richest networks of all.
This is where connection truly begins. When people know you, like you, and trust you, that’s where opportunity lives, both the opportunities in front of you now and the ones still on their way. This is where human intelligence takes precedence over everything else, because right now, people are craving connection in a safe space. Finesse Mitchell said it simply when we spoke: “Surround yourself with like-minded people who won’t discourage you.” And Josh Landay said he believes in the power of building strong, authentic relationships with teammates, board members, and partners to strengthen a clear and unified vision.
We build those relationships one conversation at a time.
One Connection Can Open a Door
I’ll leave you with something that happened recently. A message arrived from a community health organization here in South Florida, inviting me to speak at their all-staff conference this August. The magic was in how it came about. Several members of their staff had attended my sessions in the past, spoke highly of the work, and later watched one of my talks online. I hadn’t reached out to any of them. The connections I’d made over the years, in rooms I’d long since left, quietly carried the opportunity to my door.
That’s the part we forget. Every relationship we build, every 15 minutes we invest, every room we show up for fully, becomes a deposit we may not see returned for months or even years. We rarely see the opportunity coming. We just keep making the deposits and trust that the balance is building.
Here’s where I want to leave you today. Ask yourself one question, and then act on it:
Who will I connect with today?
Keep choosing joy!
If this resonates: Explore The Joyful Leader® and the practices behind designing your relationships at nicolevanvalen.com/book. To bring this work to your team or stage, start a conversation at nicolevanvalen.com/contact.
