How to Find Joy in Times of Stress: A Leader’s Practice
Leaders remember joy under stress by treating joy as a resource rather than a reward. Joy is restored through small, intentional practices, such as spending time outside, resting, having a meaningful conversation, or doing a brief activity that recharges your energy. And all of it should be scheduled deliberately rather than waited for.
Joy is hiding in the places leaders think they don’t have time for. The practice of remembering joy is what makes resilience sustainable.
A Memorial Day Reflection on What We Remember
Memorial Day is a day of remembering. We remember the people who gave more than was asked of them and the cost of what they carried. And for those of us still in the middle of our own demanding seasons, the holiday opens up a quieter question: What else have I forgotten to remember?
Joy is often the first thing leaders forget. Even though we know its importance in life, joy can be the easiest thing to put down when the work gets heavy. It happens when deadlines arrive, decisions stack up, and the week disappears. Somewhere in there, the small things that restore us slip off the calendar and stop reappearing.
Joy Gets Crowded Out Before It Gets Lost
I wrote earlier this year that although stress often traps us in a fixed mindset, when we begin to see challenges as opportunities for transformation, we change how we move forward.
That shift starts with remembering — remembering what restores us and makes us feel like ourselves and also that the leaders our teams need are those who are rested, present, and connected. We cannot lead from being hollowed out by week six of running on fumes.
Joy is not the absence of stress. Joy is the resource that helps leaders meet stress without being shaped by it.
The Snow Globe and the Cake That Crumbled
There is a metaphor I return to often, one Nikki Spoelstra shared with me: the snow globe. When you shake the globe, the little figurines inside don’t move. They stay rooted. Joy is part of what keeps leaders rooted when noise and chaos swirl around them. Without it, the figurines move with every shake.
And in The Joyful Leader®, I share a story about the recipe cards I grew up watching the women in my family write out. As we grow up, we make a recipe for what we think will bring us happiness and joy. Sometimes that recipe works for a while, and sometimes life takes the cake straight off the counter. When mine crumbled, I had to learn that I was the cook in my own kitchen. Now I get to create my own recipes!
So do you. And remembering joy is part of how you write it.
The Ready Stage Is Where Joy Lives
In the Ready, Set, Go® framework, Ready is the stage of discovery. It’s where leaders get honest about what stresses them, what restores them, and what they have stopped making time for. This quarter’s focus is on that stage, and Memorial Day is a natural moment to step into it. Before designing the next plan or executing the next move, ask what fuels the person doing the leading.
This is not a detour from leadership. This is the input that makes leadership sustainable.
Joy Is Hiding Where You Think You Don’t Have Time
One of the lines I often come back to from the book is this: Your joy is hiding in places you think you don’t have time for.
For most leaders, joy is not missing because life refuses to provide it. It’s missing because we walked past it without stopping: a sunrise we didn’t notice, a walk we didn’t take, a friend we never called, or a nap we owed ourselves and never collected.
That is the work of remembering. Not adding something elaborate, but slowing down long enough to notice what was already there.
The Nap Ministry, The Siesta, and the Right to Rest
A few years ago, my daughter Alexandrea studied abroad in Madrid. The siesta became part of her self-care, and she has carried that practice home with her.
There is wisdom in cultures that build rest into the rhythm of the day, and that wisdom is being reclaimed loudly right now. Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry and author of Rest Is Resistance, has reframed rest as a foundational human practice rather than a luxury that has to be earned. Mercedes Martin spoke about The Nap Ministry in our conversation as well, and the idea has stayed with me. Rest is not what we get after we finish. Rest is what makes us capable of finishing well.
A nap is not unproductive. A nap is part of the production.
Small Joys, Scheduled Deliberately
In The Joyful Leader®, I describe how I built my own list of simple joys: having a morning beverage, getting outside, talking to friends, taking a nap, reading a book, laughing, and hanging out doing nothing.
None of these are dramatic. All of them work. That is the principle behind the Joy Menu® — a list of small experiences that reliably restore your energy and perspective. The point isn’t to discover something new but to remember what you already know works and then schedule it in your calendar before the calendar fills with something else.
Another reminder I often share from the book is, Don’t be scared to dance. Even if you think you’re not good enough, even if you think others might not pick you, you deserve to live a life of joy.
What To Do This Week
This week, incorporate one small practice. Today, not after the holiday.
Pick the activity that brings you the most energy — not the one that brings you the most productivity — and go schedule it as though it’s a priority meeting with yourself. That’s where the remembering begins.
